I was getting worried about my son’s college applications.
I felt like we were running behind. I wanted him to be more proactive, and I could already imagine the scramble at the end if everything wasn’t finished in time.
There was still so much to do. I wanted to know it was being handled so I could relax.
Eventually, I sat down with my journal.
I often begin with “I feel so…” and let whatever comes next be honest. This time, there was plenty to write about. My concerns about the timing. What I thought he should be doing. My fear that we would end up trying to get everything done at the last minute.
But as I kept writing, I recognized something.
That feeling of having a deadline hanging over me was familiar. It brought me back to medical school, when there was so much to do and I had trouble relaxing with unfinished work ahead of me. It was often overwhelming.
I was feeling some of that old fear in a different situation this time.
And when I paused long enough to look at his history, I could see things I hadn’t considered.
He had never missed a deadline. He cared about doing his best work. He worked differently than I did, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to finish on time.
My worry had made it harder to remember those things about him.
Writing helped me recognize an old pattern and a protective part of me that needed to be heard. That fear made more sense once I understood where it was coming from.
This wasn’t med school all over again. I could trust my son, and writing helped me release some of the fear I’d been bringing into this process. I could stay involved without passing that on to him.
And when I became more confident in his abilities, he felt more confident, too.
How Journaling Helps Me Understand My Reactions
I’m grateful I gave myself time to write before continuing to respond from that fearful place.
I could have written pages making a stronger case for why he needed to do things my way. Instead, as I wrote, I began to understand why the situation felt so uncomfortable to me.
I’ve noticed this in my journaling over the years. I may begin with a complaint or a problem, pouring out the details and concerns. Gradually, my words often become more reassuring. I can see another possibility or remember something that wasn’t getting much attention.
The circumstances may be exactly the same when I close the notebook. But I feel less caught up in my first reaction, and that gives me more choice about what I can do next.
Monica Brooks and I talked about this on Push Pause to Heal: how pausing can help us understand what we’re feeling before we respond. If you’d like to hear more, listen to our conversation about the power of pause.
You may recognize a version of yourself in this story as well.
Maybe you’re upset that no one has offered to help. You’ve been busy all day, there’s still so much to do, and everyone else seems perfectly comfortable letting you handle it.
You might start writing with, “I’m so tired of being the one who does everything.”
Let yourself say what you’re upset about. As you write, the emotion may feel a little less intense and you may notice something you hadn’t considered. You haven’t asked for help. And when they’ve offered to help before, you’ve often said, “It’s okay. I’ve got it.”
Maybe they’re willing to help, but they don’t know what you need or whether you’ll let them.
You can still wish someone had noticed without being asked. But you may finish writing feeling a little less alone and frustrated and more ready to say, “Could you take care of dinner tonight? I need a break.”
That’s one of the things I love about writing.
Noticing What Our Bodies Help Us Do
I’ve been thinking about this as we move into November and a season when we talk so much about gratitude.
When you’re working hard to feel better, your attention naturally goes to what still needs help. You notice the afternoon fatigue, the digestive symptoms, or the clothes that feel uncomfortable. Those concerns matter, and they deserve attention.
But they can take up so much of our attention that we overlook what our bodies are helping us do.
Maybe your body helped you make a meal you loved, take your child trick-or-treating, or lift that heavy bag of cat litter out of the car. We don’t always give these things much thought, but our bodies are doing so much for us each day.
I love the idea of pausing to appreciate that. Think about everything your body helped you do today. Writing about these moments gives us a chance to enjoy them again and recognize how much our bodies contribute to our lives.
Over time, I hope that gratitude becomes more familiar, and we find ourselves thinking, “I’m so glad I got to do that today.”
If you’d like to read more about how gratitude supports our health, I’ve shared why noticing the good sometimes takes practice and how we can get better at it.
How to Start Journaling With “I Feel So…”
If you’d like to try writing, you don’t need to begin with a gratitude list or a beautiful journal entry.
“I feel so…” is enough.
You can write why you feel that way, if you know. You can also write, “I don’t even know why this is bothering me so much.”
Then give yourself a little time.
You may find a worry underneath the irritation. You may recognize an expectation you’ve been carrying, or remember something that helps you understand the situation differently. Some days, you may simply put words to something that’s been hard to explain.
For me, the value is in having a place to be honest long enough to understand myself better. From there, I’m often able to respond with more patience and a little more trust.
My son’s applications still needed to be done. We still had things to work through. But I could be there with him without letting my old fear decide how I approached the whole process.
And in case you’re wondering, he got everything submitted with a few moments to spare. It all worked out. No extra worry needed.
Dr. Emily
Written by: Emily Roedersheimer, DO, FMCP-M