Joy Is a Muscle: How to Strengthen It in a Busy Life
Do you know anyone who simply radiates joy, no matter the circumstances? It's easy to assume they were born like that, or that they're out of touch with reality. But as the old Buddhist saying goes, "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." There are circumstances you cannot avoid that will certainly impact your life and mood, especially when mental health is involved, but many people find that how they relate to those circumstances can, over time, shape their experience of happiness.
Instead of waiting for the weekend, your next vacation, or when you're finally crashing at night to watch your favorite show, you can create joy now.
If you're a busy, high-achiever juggling family, deadlines, presentations, or endless responsibilities, you will probably benefit from a joy practice most. Let's talk about how creating intentional practices can transform your mood, your professional life, your relationships, and help you lead a joyful life. Every. Single. Day. (yes - even Mondays!)
Winter & your nervous system
Before we jump into creating a joy practice, let's talk about how winter impacts the way your brain and body functions. If you’re sitting here, reading this post in February just after one of the biggest snow storms to hit the US in years, know that it’s completely normal to say “joy, who?” It’s cold, dark, and the days are quite short. This impacts your mood for sure! And know you’re not alone.
Here’s how winter is impacting you:
Less light = less serotonin: You might go to work in the dark, and come home in the dark. This confuses your internal cues and rhythm, meaning your energy would feel flatter, you’re less motivated (even for the things you enjoy), and everything might sound overwhelming.
Reduced movement + sluggishness: You’re probably less likely to head outside, go on a walk, or exercise in the winter. This can create a feedback loop: You’re tired, so you don’t exercise, then the lack of exercise makes you more tired.
More isolation: Winter is isolating because you’re probably going where you need to go, then heading home. There’s less opportunity, or desire, to linger and chat. There’s also less inclination to make plans in general and this can ultimately make us feel lonely or isolated.
Have patience with yourself, and remember that winter changes your brain chemistry. It’s normal to feel less joy and excitement for life this time of year. Now, we’ll get into the possibility of creating joy, despite the circumstances, to help the rest of the winter feel a bit less heavy.
What is a “Joy Practice”?
A joy practice isn't about forcing positive thoughts or pretending everything is fine when it's not. It's about intentionally creating moments that allow you to experience genuine happiness and contentment in your daily life.
You probably have something of a morning routine, a skincare routine, or exercise routine. A joy practice is the same concept applied to your emotional and mental wellbeing. It's the deliberate decision to make room for what lights you up, what brings you peace, and what reminds you why you're working so hard in the first place. It’s also one of those things busy people completely ignore because while it’s not essential, it sure does make life more enjoyable.
Why busy people need a designated practice most:
The busier and more overwhelmed you are, the more you need joy (And the less time you think you have for it). You're taking care of everyone else, meeting deadlines, managing households, showing up for your kids, your partner, your team at work. But when was the last time you did something purely because it brought you some unbridled joy? A giddy laughter, or fluttering feeling spreading across your chest?
If you're like most of my clients, you've gotten so good at pushing through, at being productive, at keeping all the plates spinning, that you've forgotten what it feels like to simply be instead of constantly do.
But here's what I see in my practice: when joy is absent, everything else starts to suffer. Your energy runs out. Your patience runs thin. Your body starts breaking down with symptoms you can't quite explain. Relationships feel like another item on your to-do list instead of a source of connection, and suddenly you’re starting to resent all those people you’re taking care of.
Let me just say: The way you're feeling right now doesn't have to be your forever.
The ripple effect
When you intentionally cultivate joy, it doesn’t just affect the moment you’re in. I’ve seen it truly transform every facet of women’s lives, including my own.
Your health improves. Joy isn't just a feeling, it’s medicine! Anything that brings you joy is anti-inflammatory. When you experience genuine happiness and contentment, your body responds. When you feel joy and contentment, your stress hormones will go down. You might relax your shoulders and signal to your nervous system: You’re safe.
Your relationships deepen. When you're not running on empty, you show up differently for the people you love. You are more likely to be playful and light in those relationships and that builds connection.
Your work gets better. When you make space for joy, you become more effective. Your creativity and problem solving skills might come faster when you’re not just exhausted and depleted. Joy has shifted you out of survival mode so you can now think at a higher level.
You become a role model. When you prioritize your own joy and wellbeing, you give permission for others to do the same. Your kids watch you. Your friends notice. Your colleagues see a different way of being. You become living proof that it's possible to be successful and joyful!!!
How to start a Joy Practice
The beauty of a joy practice is that it doesn't have to be complicated or time-consuming. In fact, the simpler, the better. Here are some ways to begin:
1. Identify What Actually Brings You Joy
This might sound obvious, but take a moment to really think about it. What activities, people, or experiences genuinely light you up? Not what you think should make you happy, but what actually does.
Maybe it's:
The first sip of morning coffee while it's still quiet
Dancing in your kitchen to your favorite song
A phone call with your best friend who makes you laugh
Ten minutes with a good book
Watching the sunset
Singing in the shower
A pillow fight with your kids
Leaving some Christmas lights up a bit longer
Working in your garden
Playing with your dog
Lighting a candle at the dinner table
Playing an instrument or singing
Creating something with your hands
Playing a sport or doing your favorite exercise
Trying a new recipe and be adventurous
Taking an epsom salt bath with essential oils
Lingering in a hug with a family member or friend
Make your list. Get specific. These become your joy anchors – the things that you can sneak into your day to bring a smile to your face.
2. Start small (really small)
You don't need hours to practice joy. You need moments. Five minutes counts. Two minutes counts. Even thirty seconds of genuine connection with something that brings you happiness makes a difference.
The goal is never to overhaul your entire life. It's to create small, sustainable moments that add up over time. Each small moment of joy is a deposit that compounds over time into greater overall happiness and resilience.
3. Schedule it
I know this sounds unromantic, but if you're truly busy, joy won't just happen on its own. You have to be intentional about creating space for it.
Put it on your calendar. Set a reminder. Treat it like any other important appointment (because it is). Your wellbeing matters just as much as that work meeting or your dentist appointment.
4. Practice Presence
Joy lives in the present moment. It's hard to experience happiness when your mind is racing ahead to everything you need to do next, or rehashing what happened earlier.
This is something that definitely takes practice if you’re not accustomed to it. But it is simple. It just means practicing paying attention to right now. When you're with your kids, be with your kids. When you're eating, actually taste your food. When you're outside, notice the temperature of the air on your skin.
Get out of your head and into your body. Feel your feet on the ground. Notice your breath. Let your senses take in what's actually happening around you instead of getting lost in the story your mind is telling.
5. Give Yourself Permission
This might be the hardest part. Give yourself permission to prioritize joy without guilt. You're not being selfish. You're not neglecting your responsibilities. You're actually becoming better equipped to handle everything on your plate. And your joy is contagious. Watch others around you join in!
You don't have to earn the right to experience happiness. You don't have to wait until everything is done (it never will be). You're allowed to feel good now, even in the middle of a chaotic season of life. Life is meant to feel good.
Ready for something different?
You don't need a perfect plan or a complete schedule overhaul. You just need to begin.
Right now, think of one small thing that brings you joy. It could be something as tiny as listening to a favorite song, stepping outside for a moment, texting someone who makes you laugh, making yourself a cup of tea and actually sitting down to drink it.
Now do it. Today. Don't wait for permission or for the perfect moment. Choose it.
And tomorrow, do it again.
That's your joy practice. That's how you make room for happiness in a busy life. One intentional moment at a time. One choice at a time. One small deposit into your wellbeing at a time.
So what will you choose today?
PS. If you’re tired of feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or like you don’t have enough time to take care of yourself, reach out. We help women just like you find their vitality, spark, and energy again. You deserve it.
PPS. While mindset can matter, some struggles go far beyond habits or willpower. If you’re dealing with depression or other mental health challenges, seeking help from a doctor, therapist, or qualified practitioner can be an important and compassionate step. You don’t have to do it alone.