How to Get What you Need from your Doctor and Advocate for Yourself

Have you ever gone to the doctor feeling “off” in some way, only to receive “normal” lab results and be sent on your way? Maybe it’s unexplained weight gain, chronic fatigue, or recurring skin problems. You’re sure something must be wrong! 

But instead of receiving answers, you’re rushed through the 10-minute appointment with some generic suggestions like “eat healthy”, “exercise more”, or simply “keep up the good work!”. 

Unfortunately, this is a shared experience for many of us. Conventional doctors are given little time to focus on each patient. Once labs come back within the standard reference range, it’s time to move on. 

This is how the traditional medical system is built – with little time or education on treating individuals, each with a unique experience and medical history. 

While this is an incredibly frustrating and invalidating experience, there are steps we can take to avoid this scenario from happening again. 

Today, we’re covering how to make use of short appointments, ask questions so you understand the plan, and advocate for your needs. (plus, recognizing when it might be time to switch doctors!)

My hope is that the next time we visit the doctor, we are better prepared to ask for what we need and actually receive it! Let's dive in.

The Traditional Doctors Office

Although experiences vary greatly depending on the doctor, our medical system is a large part of this issue. 

I was a family practice doctor for over 15 years before starting my own functional practice. In our office, we would each see 30+ patients per day – with short breaks, and not enough time for charting and running on fumes. I was constantly racing against the clock trying to fit everyone in. 

Within these appointments, I knew I probably had around 10 minutes to listen to symptoms, scan over their lab work, examine them, and potentially diagnose and prescribe. In medical school, we are taught to identify disease and provide treatment. That’s it.

We are not taught the intricacies of health creation, how to work towards optimal lab results, or how to consider a person’s entire medical history, environment, lifestyle, diet… etc. And how could we in 10 minutes? It was all about finding an illness and prescribing medicine. There was no talk of health creation or optimization.

I always wished I could do more, and left the office feeling discouraged. 

In working for the insurance company, a doctor has to move quickly. They aren’t allocated time for everything they need or want to do in an appointment. So doctors become very focused and have an agenda to help them stay on top of everything in the short window they have.

But we should each understand any diagnosis we are given or treatments we are offered, and be able to ask clarifying questions. 

I wanted to provide some insight into the average doctor’s schedule. This is not to invalidate our experiences but to start the conversation from a place of empathy. 

It may not be true for every doctor, but many do not have a choice but to rush through appointments. By keeping this in mind, we can approach the situation with understanding and patience.

How to ask for what you need:

When requesting something from our doctors, it’s best to come in with a polite attitude of respect and gratitude. Being a busy doctor is tireless work, and usually not at all what the doctor signed up for – which was to actually help people!

1. If we have something we’d like to discuss or questions we’d like answered, try to start off the appointment by letting the doctor know. “I have a few questions I’d like to ask you before the end of the appointment” is a really helpful thing to say at the beginning. Trying to squeeze it in when your time is already up is not fair to you or the doctor.  

2. Bring notes with you. This doctor may have 30+ patients to see today and may be in a hurry and exhausted. Coming in prepared will prevent us from feeling overwhelmed and rushed (then forgetting our questions or concerns). We can also simply show the doctor our list of questions and have them run through it. 

3. If we can, it helps to bring someone with us who can act as an advocate if we struggle to do this on our own. If you have a hard time speaking up for yourself, it might be nice to have someone there to help encourage you. This could be a spouse, family member, or close friend. They can be your voice when you need it. 

4. Sometimes we need a change. If a doctor invalidates how we feel, talks down to us, or makes us feel like we are not allowed to ask questions, then it is time for a change. An open-minded doctor should try their best to accommodate, or at least understand and respect where we are coming from. They are out there, ask a friend who loves their doctor for their name. It’s worth a switch.

I really did cherish the relationships I made with my patients when practicing traditional family practice. And it can be really helpful to have a doctor that you see once per year (or more often if needed) who can come to know you, so if something does go awry you have a trusted person to turn to.

I’ve known a lot of doctors in my time. They generally want to help but we don’t always click or find the right one on the first try. I hope these suggestions help you feel empowered to be the CEO of your own health and a solid partner with your doctor.

In health,

Dr. Emily